17th of April: Speakers and Lists

Hello Everyone,

Well - my guts still feel like they're eating themselves but I am here yet again to blog my life away!

I had a good day today. i went to the Movies with Candyce and we saw Dear John. It was a really good film - nice a subtle. A Lovely romantic film :) recommended! We then we for a walk and chatted about everything under the sun which was so lovely. I'm really glad I've got someone to talk to about all the stuff that is going on at the moment. She gets the whole Au Pair thing cause she's living it - and we're just very similar on a lot of other things too so its nice. Its nice that she doesn't KNOW anyone I know - so she can be completely impartial, which is great. So all in all I really enjoyed today and I'm glad I still went out even though my stomach said no. SUCK IT, STOMACH!!

I also found Ipod Speakers today! Yay! I hope Annabel doesn't mind me using them. They've been in front of the TV for months - I just hadn't looked at what it was before. ahahahah. What a dummy.


I thought that due to me feeling crummy at the moment I would write a short list (which I may add to in later blog posts - it'll just be whatever comes to me tonight - about things I like. Cause I don't really tell people a whole lot about myself. I've known friends for years that barely know anything about me because they never ask. But then again I don't willingly give over that information either so it's mostly my fault. So I thought I would write down some stuff in case anyone ever wanted to know. This blog is a little bit of soul I think hehe. So read it with caution!!!


Likes:

- Rain. I love it because it makes me feel safe. I feel cosy when it rains. Like I could curl up in a ball and just drift away. It takes me to a whole other place and I love it there. I feel free. I love the sound of it on the roof, I love being caught in it, I love the smell. I love everything about it. I really hope it rains on my wedding day - it'll be a little nod from God that its right I think. hehe

- Crying. I know that sounds really weird but I love crying. It gives me a release that I really need sometimes. It feels like I'm spilling secrets, like someones listening, even when they're not. I always feel better after crying, even when its hard to stop.

- "The" Day. I can't explain what this day is - but when I feel it, I know it. Its a very specific type of weather that just calms me completely. I feel completely happy and optimistic when this weather comes. Its not just weather though. Its everything. I just can't explain how much it brightens my life. Today was one of those days and it just made me feel like everything would be ok. No matter what ends up happening with me. I'll be ok. Its lovely.

- Theatre. Not necessarily putting on the shows themselves, but having that connection you have to people. My Theatre class was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had and I wouldn't change a second of it. I felt safe in that class - even though we were all so different, we were working towards a common goal and it brought us all closer, because you have to be. You have to work as a team or you all fail. And its such an amazing thing to be apart of. I think its different to being part of just any team though. It has a family vibe. I just love it.

- Dancing by myself. Alone in my room and dancing is such a release. It makes me happy. I know I'm not a great dancer, and I look like an idiot - but only I get to judge me and it feels fantastic. I get to be as stupid as I want and be as crazy as i want and I don't have a hint of embarrassment. Its wonderful

- Having passion for things. I know it must be really annoying for people around me when I get into new things and really love them - but I have to be passionate about something for me to feel good. I do it with people too. I give them everything I've got because theres no point giving them only pieces. Its detrimental to myself, and I might get hurt for it, but thats how I roll. I love finding something new and exciting and really LOVING it. Its so fun discovering it and pulling everything apart to discover how its done or who they are.

- Having dreams. I know my dreams might be pipe dreams, but I love feeling like I could do something. Like that if it came true all my worries and life troubles would slip away because I would be really GOOD at something. I might want different things at different stages of my life - but the common thread has always been that I really want to be good at it and prove it to myself. That I'm here for a reason and that reason is to be a writer, or a director, or a doctor. Whatever. That I was put here to do something.

- Being Alone. Sometimes being alone is just something you need. Even when you don't necessarily feel like you want it. Every time I'm by myself I almost always want to go and see someone. But the thing is is that when I'm with people I sometimes feel like I want to be alone. I think a lot of people are fearful of being alone - but i really don't think I am. I think I enjoy company too - but I'm ok with being by myself and just enjoying my own company for a while. Listening to yourself is important and sometimes the only chance you get to do that is when you feel completely by yourself.

- Harry Potter. Not necessarily for the story itself, which is still amazing, but for what it brought out in people. They formed charities based on it, communities and support networks, everything. Based on one story. It was such a great thing to be apart of. It made me feel like there were so many misunderstood people out there that got a shot at expressing themselves and feeling included. I miss it. It was a great community. It felt honest.



I think that can be it for now. Don't want to give every bit of me to the internet just yet!! :)


Until tomorrow xx


Attractive: People who are sure of themselves. I'd love to be like that one day.

Unattractive: People who can't mature. Like the can't see past someones race, or even how someone once was. Come on people, grow up and give them a shot at getting themselves together. You'd want that chance.

Quote: "Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back strong than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain."